Muslimah

Lube is short for lubricant. Lube is something you use to reduce friction. Basically, it makes it easier for you and your husband’s skin to slide against each other to make sex more enjoyable. Different women secrete different amounts of fluids when they’re aroused. For some women, even mild arousal can result in enough natural lubrication that they don’t need any outside lube. For others, even when they’re extremely aroused, their body doesn’t secrete a lot of natural lube. If you’re in the latter category, it’s always a good idea to have a bottle of lube stored near the bed for when you have sex.

There are four types of lubes. Water based, silicone based, hybrid, and oil. Water based lubes are the most common. Since they’re water-based, they’re easy to clean, won’t stain clothing or sheets, and can be used with condoms without causing them to tear. They can also be used with sex toys.

Silicone is probably the second most common lube. It has a really unique feeling, almost silk-like. It lasts longer than water based lube so you don’t have to reapply as often. You can also use silicone with condoms without a problem but they do break down silicone sex toys. In addition to the silky smooth feeling of silicone lubricant, it comes in handy during shower sex. It won’t wash away like water lubricant so if you’re having shower sex, use it!

Hybrid lubes are kind of in between a water and silicone lube. They feel like water but last as long as silicone and wont’ wash off in the shower. If you’re planning on using just one lube, start out with this one.

Oil based lube have a number of drawbacks. They break down latex
condoms. They’re hard to clean up. But, they feel amazing. And for some guys, there’re few things hotter than seeing their wife with a naked shiny body. If you’re using oil-based lube, don’t use it for penetrative sex. Use it when giving a sexy massage, a handjob, or breast sex.

Some companies even sell flavored lube. This can make oral sex easier if you or your husband are bothered by the natural smell down there even despite good hygiene.

Before going out and buying an entire bottle of lube that you might not use, start out with a travel sized option. These are usually good for one or two uses and will give you a feel for each one. After trying them, you’ll be able to decide which one works best for you.

When having sex, feel free to reapply lube as needed. Lube evaporates so even if you’re wet and slippery when you begin, you might feel a little bit dry later on. Just take some lube and rub it over his penis or condom to get things sliding smoothly again.

Final thing to keep in mind is that a lot of lubricants are sperm-unfriendly. If you’re just have sex for fun, this doesn’t matter. If you’re trying to get pregnant, look for a lube that says TTC (trying to conceive) on it. These are formulated to not change pH so that the sperm doesn’t die because of the environment.

Kegels are a pelvic floor exercise that every woman should do (actually, every man should do them too). Doing these exercises regularly will help you in so many ways. Most doctors recommend it to help with urinary incontinence after pregnancy but it has so many more benefits. It will increase the strength of your orgasm, increase vaginal tightness, and give you the ability to tightly squeeze your husband when he’s inside of you.

Think about what muscles you use to hold your urine in when you have to go. Flex those muscles. If you can’t figure out which muscles those are, do this. The next time you go the bathroom, you’re your urine midstream. You might not be successful at actually stopping the stream but at least you’ll know which muscles you need to use. Those are the muscles you’ll be exercising with Kegels. As an aside, don’t make it a habit to stop urinating midstream though. That increases the risk of a bladder infection.

Once you’ve figured out which muscles to use, tighten them and hold for five seconds. Then relax for five seconds. Do this four or five times. It’s important to keep them relaxed for an equal amount of time! The relaxing is as much a part of the exercise as contracting. Work up to keeping them contracted for 10 seconds and relaxing for 10 seconds.

For best results, focus on isolating and tightening just those muscles. When you start, you might find yourself relying on your butt muscles or abdomen muscles. As you strengthen your pelvic muscles, you’ll be able to isolate it to just contracting them and nothing else.

Do at least 3 sets of 10 repetitions a day. You can do it more if you’d like. My Ob/Gyn recommended doing it every single time I’m at a stoplight. There are kegel weights that you can use if you so desire but simply doing the contraction and relaxation without inserting anything will still get you good results.

Sexting is a touchy subject. Texting your husband is naturally going to have some sexual overtones at times. Talking dirty to him over text at times is fine (and in this book, I’ll teach you how to do it).

The problem comes in when you send explicit pictures to each other. I know many young couples exchange nudes but I would strongly warn you from this. I’m not saying this as someone who’s afraid or unaware of technology. In fact, the opposite. There are actual dedicated websites on the internet which post pictures of Muslim women in varying states of undress. Men go onto these websites and arouse themselves by looking at a woman going from full hijab to wearing nothing.

The sad reality is that you simply don’t know where your pictures can end up. Divorces happen and angry ex-husbands can be vindictive. Even if your husband is the most honorable man in the world, phones can get lost, misplaced, or even borrowed. It takes just a few minutes to transfer an entire digital library of images to a computer. Once your photos are on someone else’s computer, they can be disseminated all over the world in a matter of minutes. As many Hollywood celebrities found to their horror last year, many phones back up their photos to a cloud. That cloud can (and has been) hacked, resulting in thousands of images being leaked over the internet.

I personally know a hijabi sister, very active in her community, who made the mistake of sending such photos to her husband. After her divorce, they were leaked over the internet along with her name. He denies having anything to do with it but the fact remains that whenever a person Googles her name, nude images of her show up in Google. Even after spending money and hiring someone to contact websites to remove her photos, an occasional one will still resurface under her name.

It’s really not worth the risk.

With all that said, I’m realistic. I know most couples will still at least
occasionally send each other nude images. If you’re going to do it despite my advice to the contrary, make sure to take these precautions:

1. Don’t send a picture via text or other medium where it can be easily stored on his phone. Use Snapchat. There are still plenty of ways to save Snapchat photos but they require intention and effort. In the event of a divorce, your ex-husband won’t have a trove of nude photos saved on his phone that can be “accidentally” leaked onto the internet.

2. Don’t include your face in such pictures. In the event of those photos finding their way onto the internet, not including your face allows the images to be kept separate from your identity.

3. Never, never, never keep nude images stored in any format. The day your little kid swipes through your phone’s photos to find an ‘Eid picture and stumbles upon photos of you naked is a day that will permanently scar both of you.

This is not for everyone but some people get really turned on by talking dirty. On the other hand, some people get really turned off by it. This is where communication comes into play. Talk to your husband beforehand. I firmly believe that in a happy sexual relationship, the other person should indulge the predilections of their spouse even if they’re not turned on by it, so hopefully if you’re into it and your husband is not, he’ll at least give it a try. One last thing. Dirty talk does not HAVE to involve profanity. It can, and the profanity turns a lot of people on, but if you and your husband don’t feel comfortable with It, you can still dirty talk without profanity.

First and foremost, keep context in mind! Dirty talk is when you’re feeling lusty. It is not something to introduce when you two are in a cuddly, romantic move. If your husband kisses you on the forehead, look you in the eyes, and then says “I love you”, do NOT respond with “I love you too. Now drill my pussy with your rock hard dick.” Just no. Talk dirty when you and your husband are in a carefree mood, having fun, maybe flirting. not when he’s telling you that you’re the love of his life.

Another thing to keep in mind about context is how your voice sounds. If you’re out in a parking taking a nighttime stroll, it would make sense to take a breathy voice and whisper into this ear “I can’t wait for you to fuck me when we get home”. Saying that same thing in a high-pitched squealy voice won’t have the desired effect. On the flipside, if you two are already in bed together, it would make sense to squeal “Fuck me harder baby”. Using a sultry whisper voice here doesn’t make sense.

Point here being: dirty talk is not just knowing the words but also the context. Know when to use it and what tone to use.

Another thing about dirty talk: communication is also non-verbal! In addition to your tone and context, use the rest of your feminine wiles. Sure, you can whisper to him “Baby I want you inside of me” and get a rise out of him. OR, you can lean in, place a hand on his chest, breath your hot breath on his ear and say in a soft tone “Baby….I…want….you…inside….of….me.”

Ok, so you’ve decided you want to at least try some dirty talk. What exactly do you say? Well, if you’re not having sex at the moment, you tell him what you want to do with him. If you are having sex at the moment, you tell him what you’re liking about it. It’s really that simple.

Here are a few examples to use.

If you’re really shy, you can start out with a simple text. Here are some tame

starters:

“Looking forward to you coming home today. I have a feeling we’re going to have some fun!”

“When you get home, don’t be surprised if I’m not wearing clothes”

“I can’t focus at work! I keep thinking about your body and what I want to do with it”

“What do you want me to wear tonight?”

Things to say when you’re outside home and you want to build up the sexual tension

“I wish I was home so I could do the dirty things to you that I want to”

“I want to rip your clothes off right now.”

“You know, if we were at home, I’d probably have your dick inside my
mouth right now”

“You look so sexy in that shirt”

“Walk in front of me so I can check out your butt”

When you get started talking dirty for real, here are few beginning sentences:

“Mmm, baby, that feels soooo good.”

“I am SO wet right now”

“I could spend all day between your legs”

“I’m getting close”

“Is that a bulge I’m seeing in your pants?”

Kick it up a notch:

“I love riding you like this”

“I love sucking your dick so much”

“You have such a hot ass”

“It’s so hot when you pin me down like this”

(Ifyou’re being dominant)

“Get down on your knees and service my pussy”

“You cock belongs to me”

“Shut your mouth and get naked. I’m gonna have my way with you and you can’t do anything to stop me”

(Ifyou’re being submissive)

“I’ve been a bad girl who needs spanking”

“Pull my hair and Make me your bitch”

“I want you to handcuff me and fuck me any way you want

“Fuck me like I’m your personal slut”

This should be a no-brainer, but women who get their marital advice from pop-magazines and pseudo-psychology sources may have heard the popular refrain that “flirting with others is actually healthy for a relationship”. No, no, no! If your husband has even a shred of gheerah, this is only going to distance him from you and possibly even lead to divorce.

Never, ever play get-even games by flirting or letting men give you attention. You’ll find this tip in superficial girlie magazines. It might even work for some women in the short term, getting their husband to pay attention to them out of jealousy. In the long term, it breaks down the relationship. If the only way you can hold a relationship together is by manipulating your husband with these tricks, you need to see a marriage counselor to determine whether the marriage is worth staying in.

Many of you will be reading this right before marriage. Those of you aren’t, feel free to skip to the next section.

The mixture of emotions you’re feeling right now is unique. Nervous,
excited, worries, anxious, scared, eager, afraid. All tied together as one!

Some couples start with sex on their wedding night. Others delay it. There’s really no right or wrong when it comes to this. If you feel comfortable enough with your husband, you might decide to dive in headfirst. Many women, however, find it better to delay it until they’re comfortable with their husband. Personally, I would recommend not having penis in vagina intercourse on your first day. It would be better to get comfortable with kissing, handjobs, getting fingered, and oral sex before moving on to vaginal penetration. By the time you actually have penetrative sex, you and your husband will already be very comfortable with each other’s bodies.

Pain

Contrary to popular belief, sex should not be extremely painful, even when you lose your virginity. Yes, it might not be as comfortable as it will be later on, but excruciating pain? That shouldn’t happen. If it is too painful the first time, have him pull out. Perhaps you need more foreplay, perhaps you should add more more lube, perhaps you’re not mentally ready, or perhaps you have a medical condition. Don’t force yourself into it if the pain is unbearable. That pain is telling you that something is wrong.

Bleeding

Not every woman bleeds her first time. The more relaxed you are, the more you’ve played around with your husband, and the more lubricant you use, the less the chance of bleeding.

Think about how nervous you are. Your husband is just that nervous too, maybe more. Remember, one of the best ways to torpedo your relationship is to make fun of your husband in bed or make him feel insecure (if your husband does either of these to you purposefully, see a marriage counselor immediately). The first time (or two or three or five), many guys find themselves unable to sustain (or even achieve) an erection. This doesn’t mean his body doesn’t find yours attractive! It’s a physiological response to nervousness. Once he gets to the stage where he can achieve erection, don’t be surprised if the first couple of times he lasts only for a few seconds. Be encouraging but at the same time, don’t stop once he ejaculates. You can still have fun in bed when he’s not hard! Have him go down on you or finger you if the sex wasn’t enjoyable. This is another reason why I recommend not starting off with PIV sex. If it doesn’t go 100% well (which it never does), at least he has some experience in how to pleasure you properly.

Communication

Tell your husband he needs to be gentle the first time. This seems like a nobrainer but if his view of sex has been warped by porn, he might think all sex is fast and rough. There’ll be time for hard and rough sex later but the first time, slow and gentle is the way to go.

Start with foreplay until you’re wet. Have him insert at least two fingers inside of you before moving on to his penis. Once you’re relaxed and
comfortable, guide him inside. It should NOT require a lot of force. If you can’t get it in, pull out, go back to foreplay, and focus on him fingering you. Then try again. If it still won’t go in, see a doctor.

If he keeps popping out, don’t worry, happens. He’ll learn with time how much he needs to thrust.

If you don’t orgasm through penetration, you’re in the majority. You enjoy kissing your husband, right? Does that end with orgasm? Probably not (if it does, please send me tips on what he does so I can tell my husband). Enjoy sex for itself. Think about orgasms and penetrative sex as different. You can have one without the other or you can have both. Worrying about orgasmings during sex diminishes your pleasure. You’ll be focusing on what’s not happening rather than enjoying what is. Relax, enjoy the pleasure. We’ll talk about increasing the chance of orgasm through penetrative sex but enjoy sex with or without orgasm. After he’s climaxed, guide his hand down your clitoris to bring you to orgasm. Sex is NOT over when he’s satisfied. It’s over when both of you are.

I know, I know. You might be rolling your eyes saying to yourself, “I thought this was a book about sex. Why waste my time talking about simple stuff like kissing?” That’s the wrong way to think! Don’t dismiss the sensuality of a great kiss. Physical intimacy is more than just penis in vagina. It’s a complete package and often begins with a kiss. The very first intimate physical act you’ll likely have with your husband is kissing. Don’t overlook it!

More than just the first intimate act you’ll have with your husband, kissing is actually one of the most intimate acts a couple can do. Think about all the senses which are centered in your face. Your sight, your smell, your hearing, your taste. It’s no wonder that couples who divorce often stop kissing long before they stop having sex. Sex can be romantic and intimate but it can also be simply passionate and lustful. Kissing, however, always conveys love. In the hookup culture we live in today, many people will have casual sex with others while refusing to give them a kiss. There’s a natural tendency to equate kissing with love.

As you read the following tips, realize that a lot of this will flow naturally between you and your husband. Don’t get too caught up with details. Especially your first time, just go with the flow. As you and your husband become more familiar with each other, you can start incorporating some of the techniques I mention.

Before even beginning to talk about how to kiss, I have to make sure to talk about oral hygiene. This is a real issue! You don’t want your husband to not kiss you because your breath smells bad! Same goes with the reverse. If your husband’s breath isn’t the greatest, find ways to subtly nudge him in the right direction. Schedule a dentist appointment for him if you need to. Make sure you’re brushing twice a day. Floss your teeth regularly. Get a non-alcoholic mouthwash and use it daily as well. If bad breath is still a problem, see a dentist! Finally, although not really hygiene, use chap stick to keep your lips soft. All of this will enhance the kissing experience.

Start by making eye contact with your husband. Give him a small smile and a light touch before beginning the actual kiss. Maybe put your hand on his face or touch his leg. Make him anticipate the kiss.

Begin slowly and gently. You don’t want to rush into the kiss and bump teeth. Start with a kiss on the lips. Tilt your head to the side so that you don’t bump noses. When your lips meet, slowly squeeze his lips into yours.

After a while, you can morph this into a French kiss. Do this by slowly
opening your mouth wider until you can put your tongue into his mouth and touch his tongue. Use your tongue. Tease him with light flicks. Go back and forth into each other’s mouths. Trace the edge of his lips with the tip of your tongue. Explore his mouth! Feel his gums and teeth with your tongue. Make sure to give him opportunity to reciprocate.

Don’t just kiss on the lips. He has other kissable parts too! Work on his neck and collarbone. Bite, but gently. Nibble his earlobe or neck. Maybe his bottom lip. If you’re adventurous, give him a hickey. Kiss his neck with a slightly open mouth. Suck in the skin. This will leave a mark so be careful where you do it!

Remember, a kiss is more than just your mouth. Use your hands. Don’t leave your hands limp in front of you or on your lap. Explore your husband’s body. Put your arms around his neck. Touch his arms. Run your hands down his back or chest. Run your fingers through his hair and massage his scalp. His body is exclusively yours for the rest of your marriage! Explore the goods!

Tease him in the middle sometimes. Pull back for a second or two and look him straight in the eyes. Wait for him to pull you back in. Time then when you need a break for air so it doesn’t break the mood.

Whisper in his ear. “You are so hot.” “I’ve been waiting all day to kiss you”. Exhale your warm breath onto his ear. This drives men crazy.

If you want to take some control when kissing, put your hand on his chin. You can manipulate his face from side to side and control where you kiss him.

Mix things up. You don’t have to do all the above every time. Try one or two, mix things together.

While this is about mouth to mouth kissing, remember, he has an entire body to explore. The lower back, the butt, and the stomach are sensitive areas that are fun to kiss (and be kissed at!).

After it’s done, tell him how fun it was! Marriage is not a time to be stoic. Let him know you enjoyed it. “That was amazing!” “I can’t get enough of kissing you!”. If he did something that you especially liked, let him know so he does it more often! Communicate!

Ok, so moving up from kissing is the hand job. Like it sounds, this is when you work your magic on his penis using your hand. Some couples never try this, figuring it’s a boring middle-ground between kissing and sex. Don’t be fooled, a good handjob can be incredibly pleasurable for your husband.

You might be tempted to morph a handjob into oral sex as things heat up. It’s a natural progression to go from hand on his penis to mouth on his penis. I’m not saying never go from a handjob to oral sex but, don’t always do that. At least try a few straight handjobs to completion with no oral involved and see how much pleasure you can elicit from just a handjob.

The great thing about handjobs is that you don’t need much set up. You don’t need to be in the bedroom (but do need privacy of course!), don’t need a mood, and you don’t even have to worry about any smell from hours of sweating! If you have lube handy, it can make the handjob feel even better but it’s certainly not a requirement.

In theory, a handjob is simple. Wrap your fingers around his penis and move your first up and down with slow, measured strokes. But this isn’t a book about simple sex, it’s a book about how to have “mind-blowing” sex. So here are some tips to move your handjobs from basic to amazing.

Even though a handjob is often seen as foreplay (even though you absolutely can make it the main act), it gets even hotter when you do some foreplay for the handjob. Start with a kiss and while he’s focusing on that, move a hand down towards his pants. With your husband’s pants on and still zipped, start by rubbing over them. Instead of starting right over his penis, I’d recommend putting a hand on a thigh and working inwards. Draw little circles with your index fingers, spiraling in to his penis. When you get over it, massage it a little bit and feel his hardening erection. Use your index finger to scratch over his balls and penis. If you get just the right angle, it’ll drive him crazy.

After a minute or two of this, unzip his pants and tug down. Pull down his underwear as well. Once you release his penis (hopefully erect by now!), gently graze it with your fingers. Move from top to bottom. He might have a few drops of precum at the tip. Don’t waste it! Using one finger, spread the precum over the tip of his penis.

Grab his penis and begin stroking it up and down. Ask him how firm he likes it. Some men enjoy a firm grip while others prefer something more gentle. Regardless, you don’t have to be as gentle with his penis as you do with his testicles. It can take much more pressure than his testicles. Start out slow and gradually increase your speed. The fast you go, the shorter he will last, so keep that in mind. Keep your wrists constantly in motion.

Maintain eye contact. It’s easy, especially as you’ve been married longer, to go on autopilot and give him a handjob while you’re watching TV or reading a book. While this is fine in moderation, you don’t want it to appear that you’ve got more important things to do and are only grudgingly giving him some sexual pleasure that doesn’t interfere with your own schedule.

While stroking him, there’s a few things you can do to vary the sensations and increase the pleasure. Don’t try all the different techniques at once. Introduce one or two each time you give your husband a handjob and see which ones he enjoys the most. Mix them up to keep things fresh.

Techniques

Instead of using your full hand so your palm is stroking him, switch to using just your finger tips. The feeling of five or ten little points of contact instead of one big one will give him a unique sensation.

Use both hands, one over the other, if his penis is long enough and/or your palms are small enough. Even if your hands are big or his penis is shorter, you can still use two hands by making an “o” with the thumb and index finger of one hand and the palm of the other. Once he’s completely erect, you can occasionally throw in a twisting movement as you go up and down.

The glans of his penis is the most sensitive part. If it’s too sensitive for him, only use light touch. If it’s not try this technique to mix things up. Move your thumb to the tip of his penis instead of wrapping it around with the rest of your fingers (kind of like holding a computer joystick). Use the thumb to tease around the head while you stroke up and down normally. Other places that are more sensitive are the ridge where the head meets the shaft (corona) and the ride that runs straight along the underside of his penis (frenulum).

You can use one palm to completely envelop the top of his penis while
continuing to stroke with the other.

You can try stroking him just upwards, one hand after the other, and then just downwards. Switch up your grip and change from a full grasp to using just a ring formed with your thumb and index finger Experiment and play around! You don’t have to try all of these during one session!

Don’t forget his balls. Men love it when their balls are paid attention to. These can be very sensitive though so be careful. Try massaging and stroking them. Hold them in your palm and gently roll them around. Do NOT hit them or squeeze them—it can be very painful.

Vary your positions. You can give a handjob side by side, sitting between his legs while he’s lying down, kneeling between his feet as he sits on a sofa/bed/chair. Hug him from behind and then grasp his penis underneath from between his legs.

Be prepared for ejaculation! Tell him to tell you when he’s about to cum. Depending on whether you’re dressed or not, either let him blow into your hands or over your face, neck, breasts, etc. If you don’t want any of that, pull up his underwear and let him ejaculate there.

And yes, sometimes (maybe most times), a handjob will only be a prelude to sex. In that case, have him stop you before he ejaculates so that you save it for the sex. As always, make sure you’re giving him feedback and communicating during the handjob. “Mmmmm, your cock feels so warm and nice in my hand”, etc. See the chapter on talking dirty if you need tips.

This is one of the most important sections of the book. There are few things which will make your husband lust after you more than the sight of you on your knees in front of him, giving him oral sex.

Blowjobs are something where your skills can continuously improve. Even with no experience, your first time giving him a blowjob will be an event to remember. After that, it can only get better as you get more adept at various maneuvers. You’ll find that oral sex is very versatile and can be done in so many positions and so many places.

Before you give a blowjob though, make sure that your husband is shaved down there. Go back and review the section on genital hygiene. You want your husband to be clean and (relatively) odor-free down there. Hair does not make oral sex appealing.

Start your blowjob by kissing him like normal Think about it as a prelude to the main act. While you’re kissing him, use one hand to slowly beginning rubbing his crotch. Once you feel his penis hardening, unbutton and unzip his pants, pulling them all the way down.

Now that his penis is exposed, get down on your knees. The submissive nature of this position makes it arousing for a lot of people. During the times you prefer something less submissive, have him lay down on a bed and then position yourself between his crotch. It’s still an inherently submissive act, but this slightly decreases that aspect of it.

Don’t start by immediately taking his penis into your mouth. Work outwards and come in, building up the anticipation. Kiss around his crotch and groin. Tickle his balls with the tips of your fingers. Spend some time coming closer to the penis, enjoying the sexual tension that builds up as you tease him below.

When you decide to begin, start by gently stroking his penis with your hand. Again, you’re building up the tension as he anticipates your mouth meeting his penis. Do this for just 30-45 seconds. Then, lower your mouth and take his penis in. Keep your lips wrapped around it and move it in and out. The more saliva you can get, the better it’ll feel for him. Use your tongue to massage his penis while it’s moving in and out. As you get more comfortable, take more and more of him inside of you with each stroke. There’s a good chance you’ll eventually take him so far in that you trigger your gag reflex. Don’t worry, it’s natural.

The most sensitive part of a penis is called the frenulum. This is right where the head of his penis meets his shaft, on the back portion of his penis. Gently flick this while sucking him to stimulate it. Some men don’t have a frenulum, depending on the method by which they were circumcised. It’s not a big deal if it’s not there.

Now, you don’t always have to build up the tension like this. Some days, you may feel like cutting straight to the chase. Simply undo his pants, take his penis out, take it in your mouth, and begin pleasuring him. The key to a spicy sex life is variation. Don’t always do one or the other. Some days, you’ll prefer the slow, anticipation building blowjob. Other days, you’ll prefer to go straight to the main event. Keep it fresh by switching then up.

With the basics out of the way, there are other things you can do in a blowjob to make it interesting. Don’t use all these techniques at once. Think about them like spices on food. You add one or two per dish, not all. So the first time, have a completely plain blowjob, just your mouth and up and down. Add in one technique next time, then another the time after that.

Techniques

Kiss! It’s not just for the mouth! Yes, kiss his penis. You can do small quick pecks or long wet sloppy kisses. Not only is it erotic and arousing to watch for him, it’ll give your jaw a rest from having him in your mouth.

Make eye contact. Seeing his penis inside your mouth while you’re looking up at him will really turn on your husband. Don’t be shy, he enjoys seeing you like this, so indulge him.

Talk during the blowjob. You might wonder how you can talk if your mouth is otherwise occupied. Well, during a blowjob, you don’t have to have his penis in your mouth the entire time. Make use of your hands intermittently to give your jaw a rest. That’s when you talk to him. Tell him how much you’re enjoying giving him a blowjob. Ask him how he likes the feeling. Talk dirty to him if you’re comfortable with that.

A small variation is to apply pressure with just your lips. Take your
husband’s penis into your mouth and make an O shape with your lips. Press down using just your lips. Then, bob your head up and down, taking his penis in and out of your mouth.

Do not, do not, do NOT use your teeth on a blowjob. This is a tip found in many women’s sex magazines and you have to wonder if it’s a revenge plot from an estranged ex-lover. Imagine if your husband was using his teeth when performing oral sex on you. Don’t do it.

Licking. A blowjob isn’t just taking his penis into your mouth. Use your tongue in its entirety. Treat his penis like a lollipop and use your tongue to lick it from the base to the very tip. Spend more time at the head, working your tongue all around and under it to stimulate his nerves. Your tongue is surprisingly muscular and you can really work his penis using just your tongue. Spiral your tongue around the top of his penis. Move it in circles and alternate directions and speed.

Just like in a handjob (which you can be doing alongside a blowjob), don’t forget about his balls. They’re fun to play with and pleasurable for him. You can lick them, kiss them, or suck on them. You can switch to stroking his penis with your hand while you take his balls into your mouth and then reverse it, fondling his balls with your hand while you take his penis into your mouth. Just don’t neglect them.

Use your hands! In addition to working his penis with your hands when you take a break to rest your jaw, use your hands while in the process of giving oral sex. You’re probably going to have at least a few inches of his penis hanging out of your mouth. Use a hand on the exposed shaft to give sensation there as well.

Suck him. This requires energy but is very pleasurable. Wrap your lips around his penis and take the first few inches into your mouth. Suck on it gently. This will cause your cheeks to grab his penis and make him moan

Cheek sex. A lot of women want to deep throat their husband (next section)but simply can’t do it. This is an easier alternative that mimics most of that feeling. Clamp your mouth shut and then take his penis into your mouth, pushing it against the outside of your check. His penis will be between your teeth and your cheek. Now suck in, trapping his penis inside that pocket. It creates a unique feeling, very similar to that of deep throating.

When you’re giving oral sex, make sure you tell him to communicate when he’s about to ejaculate. There’s a difference of opinion, but most scholars say swallowing is haram.[iii] You can finish by having him cum on your face (facial), onto your chest (pearl necklace) or just collect it in your hand. If you don’t mind changing the sheets, you can just aim his penis away from you and have him ejaculate on the bed.

Deep throating is when you take your husbands penis all the way into your throat. It’s not just a blowjob with your mouth, you literally take it into your throat. Some men and women enjoy it, others despise it. The biggest issue with deep throating is gagging. About a third of women don’t have any gag reflex. If so, deep throating is much easier. If you do have a gag reflex, deep throating is much harder. Once you get it under control, however, it becomes relatively easy.

You can look online for tips on how to desensitize your gag reflex and get it under control. Instead of going through all of that trouble, however, it’s often much easier to use a throat numbing spray to temporarily desensitize the gag reflex. You can find these on Amazon for less than $10.

Especially early on, don’t deep throat your husband without telling him. It requires practice and gentleness on his part to make it work without being painful. So make sure he knows exactly what you’re doing before you do it. Tell your husband what you’re going to attempt before trying it. You want him to be as still as possible the first few times you try.

Positioning is important for deep throat. Do this on a bed. Lay flat on your back with your head hanging over the edge. Have your husband stand or kneel so that his penis is at the level of your mouth. This opens up your throat and makes the angle easier for deep throat. Have him go in slowly and tap the bed with your hand when you want him to back out.

Remember, you have to breathe as well! Try breathing through your nose. Depending on the size of your throat and his penis, even this might be impossible. If so, you’ll have to take breaks every 10-15 seconds to breathe. There’s just no way around it.

Many women simply can’t deep throat or never enjoy it. If that’s you, don’t worry. There’s plenty of other fun things to do in the bedroom.