Ok, so moving up from kissing is the hand job. Like it sounds, this is when you work your magic on his penis using your hand. Some couples never try this, figuring it’s a boring middle-ground between kissing and sex. Don’t be fooled, a good handjob can be incredibly pleasurable for your husband.
You might be tempted to morph a handjob into oral sex as things heat up. It’s a natural progression to go from hand on his penis to mouth on his penis. I’m not saying never go from a handjob to oral sex but, don’t always do that. At least try a few straight handjobs to completion with no oral involved and see how much pleasure you can elicit from just a handjob.
The great thing about handjobs is that you don’t need much set up. You don’t need to be in the bedroom (but do need privacy of course!), don’t need a mood, and you don’t even have to worry about any smell from hours of sweating! If you have lube handy, it can make the handjob feel even better but it’s certainly not a requirement.
In theory, a handjob is simple. Wrap your fingers around his penis and move your first up and down with slow, measured strokes. But this isn’t a book about simple sex, it’s a book about how to have “mind-blowing” sex. So here are some tips to move your handjobs from basic to amazing.
Even though a handjob is often seen as foreplay (even though you absolutely can make it the main act), it gets even hotter when you do some foreplay for the handjob. Start with a kiss and while he’s focusing on that, move a hand down towards his pants. With your husband’s pants on and still zipped, start by rubbing over them. Instead of starting right over his penis, I’d recommend putting a hand on a thigh and working inwards. Draw little circles with your index fingers, spiraling in to his penis. When you get over it, massage it a little bit and feel his hardening erection. Use your index finger to scratch over his balls and penis. If you get just the right angle, it’ll drive him crazy.
After a minute or two of this, unzip his pants and tug down. Pull down his underwear as well. Once you release his penis (hopefully erect by now!), gently graze it with your fingers. Move from top to bottom. He might have a few drops of precum at the tip. Don’t waste it! Using one finger, spread the precum over the tip of his penis.
Grab his penis and begin stroking it up and down. Ask him how firm he likes it. Some men enjoy a firm grip while others prefer something more gentle. Regardless, you don’t have to be as gentle with his penis as you do with his testicles. It can take much more pressure than his testicles. Start out slow and gradually increase your speed. The fast you go, the shorter he will last, so keep that in mind. Keep your wrists constantly in motion.
Maintain eye contact. It’s easy, especially as you’ve been married longer, to go on autopilot and give him a handjob while you’re watching TV or reading a book. While this is fine in moderation, you don’t want it to appear that you’ve got more important things to do and are only grudgingly giving him some sexual pleasure that doesn’t interfere with your own schedule.
While stroking him, there’s a few things you can do to vary the sensations and increase the pleasure. Don’t try all the different techniques at once. Introduce one or two each time you give your husband a handjob and see which ones he enjoys the most. Mix them up to keep things fresh.
Techniques
Instead of using your full hand so your palm is stroking him, switch to using just your finger tips. The feeling of five or ten little points of contact instead of one big one will give him a unique sensation.
Use both hands, one over the other, if his penis is long enough and/or your palms are small enough. Even if your hands are big or his penis is shorter, you can still use two hands by making an “o” with the thumb and index finger of one hand and the palm of the other. Once he’s completely erect, you can occasionally throw in a twisting movement as you go up and down.
The glans of his penis is the most sensitive part. If it’s too sensitive for him, only use light touch. If it’s not try this technique to mix things up. Move your thumb to the tip of his penis instead of wrapping it around with the rest of your fingers (kind of like holding a computer joystick). Use the thumb to tease around the head while you stroke up and down normally. Other places that are more sensitive are the ridge where the head meets the shaft (corona) and the ride that runs straight along the underside of his penis (frenulum).
You can use one palm to completely envelop the top of his penis while
continuing to stroke with the other.
You can try stroking him just upwards, one hand after the other, and then just downwards. Switch up your grip and change from a full grasp to using just a ring formed with your thumb and index finger Experiment and play around! You don’t have to try all of these during one session!
Don’t forget his balls. Men love it when their balls are paid attention to. These can be very sensitive though so be careful. Try massaging and stroking them. Hold them in your palm and gently roll them around. Do NOT hit them or squeeze them—it can be very painful.
Vary your positions. You can give a handjob side by side, sitting between his legs while he’s lying down, kneeling between his feet as he sits on a sofa/bed/chair. Hug him from behind and then grasp his penis underneath from between his legs.
Be prepared for ejaculation! Tell him to tell you when he’s about to cum. Depending on whether you’re dressed or not, either let him blow into your hands or over your face, neck, breasts, etc. If you don’t want any of that, pull up his underwear and let him ejaculate there.
And yes, sometimes (maybe most times), a handjob will only be a prelude to sex. In that case, have him stop you before he ejaculates so that you save it for the sex. As always, make sure you’re giving him feedback and communicating during the handjob. “Mmmmm, your cock feels so warm and nice in my hand”, etc. See the chapter on talking dirty if you need tips.