Many of you will be reading this right before marriage. Those of you aren’t, feel free to skip to the next section.
The mixture of emotions you’re feeling right now is unique. Nervous,
excited, worries, anxious, scared, eager, afraid. All tied together as one!
Some couples start with sex on their wedding night. Others delay it. There’s really no right or wrong when it comes to this. If you feel comfortable enough with your husband, you might decide to dive in headfirst. Many women, however, find it better to delay it until they’re comfortable with their husband. Personally, I would recommend not having penis in vagina intercourse on your first day. It would be better to get comfortable with kissing, handjobs, getting fingered, and oral sex before moving on to vaginal penetration. By the time you actually have penetrative sex, you and your husband will already be very comfortable with each other’s bodies.
Pain
Contrary to popular belief, sex should not be extremely painful, even when you lose your virginity. Yes, it might not be as comfortable as it will be later on, but excruciating pain? That shouldn’t happen. If it is too painful the first time, have him pull out. Perhaps you need more foreplay, perhaps you should add more more lube, perhaps you’re not mentally ready, or perhaps you have a medical condition. Don’t force yourself into it if the pain is unbearable. That pain is telling you that something is wrong.
Bleeding
Not every woman bleeds her first time. The more relaxed you are, the more you’ve played around with your husband, and the more lubricant you use, the less the chance of bleeding.
Think about how nervous you are. Your husband is just that nervous too, maybe more. Remember, one of the best ways to torpedo your relationship is to make fun of your husband in bed or make him feel insecure (if your husband does either of these to you purposefully, see a marriage counselor immediately). The first time (or two or three or five), many guys find themselves unable to sustain (or even achieve) an erection. This doesn’t mean his body doesn’t find yours attractive! It’s a physiological response to nervousness. Once he gets to the stage where he can achieve erection, don’t be surprised if the first couple of times he lasts only for a few seconds. Be encouraging but at the same time, don’t stop once he ejaculates. You can still have fun in bed when he’s not hard! Have him go down on you or finger you if the sex wasn’t enjoyable. This is another reason why I recommend not starting off with PIV sex. If it doesn’t go 100% well (which it never does), at least he has some experience in how to pleasure you properly.
Communication
Tell your husband he needs to be gentle the first time. This seems like a nobrainer but if his view of sex has been warped by porn, he might think all sex is fast and rough. There’ll be time for hard and rough sex later but the first time, slow and gentle is the way to go.
Start with foreplay until you’re wet. Have him insert at least two fingers inside of you before moving on to his penis. Once you’re relaxed and
comfortable, guide him inside. It should NOT require a lot of force. If you can’t get it in, pull out, go back to foreplay, and focus on him fingering you. Then try again. If it still won’t go in, see a doctor.
If he keeps popping out, don’t worry, happens. He’ll learn with time how much he needs to thrust.
If you don’t orgasm through penetration, you’re in the majority. You enjoy kissing your husband, right? Does that end with orgasm? Probably not (if it does, please send me tips on what he does so I can tell my husband). Enjoy sex for itself. Think about orgasms and penetrative sex as different. You can have one without the other or you can have both. Worrying about orgasmings during sex diminishes your pleasure. You’ll be focusing on what’s not happening rather than enjoying what is. Relax, enjoy the pleasure. We’ll talk about increasing the chance of orgasm through penetrative sex but enjoy sex with or without orgasm. After he’s climaxed, guide his hand down your clitoris to bring you to orgasm. Sex is NOT over when he’s satisfied. It’s over when both of you are.