Muslimah

This section is about dressing up at home. When you’re outside, you should be dressed modestly and in a manner that doesn’t draw attention to your beauty. Inside the home, however, is a different story.

The most important part to dressing sex is to find out what your husband think is sexy! Not all men are the same. Some men enjoy seeing their wives in thongs. Others find the sight of plain white panties to be intensely arousing. If you want to dress sexy for your husband, you need to know what he finds sexy.

At the same time, you should also find what makes you feel sexy. If it’s the same, great! If not, alternate outfits between what makes you feel sexy and what your husband thinks is sexy. If a certain outfit makes you feel sexier, it’ll shine through and translate into more enjoyable sex. So dressing up isn’t simply a visual treat for your husband, it can be enjoyable for you as well (both in the dressing up part and for what happens after the clothes come off).

The trick about dressing sexy is to not reveal too much. He’s seen your body.

He knows what you look like naked. The key to a good sexy outfit is as much about what you hide as it is about what you reveal. Knee length boots and a mini skirt will expose only your thighs but can drive him crazy with desire.

To know what he finds sexy, ask. Especially early on in the marriage, he might be hesitant in suggesting what you wear, afraid that he might offend you or make you feel insecure. So you’ll have to be direct. “What color of lingerie do you think I look sexy in?”

An easy way to start getting sexy outfits is to pick a weekend to go shopping. Put it all on him. He gets to pick out anything he wants for you to wear and you agree to wear it. You might be surprised to find what he thinks you look sexy in. Pay attention to his responses after you buy these clothes. Which ones prompt more compliments? Which ones lead to more aggressive (or more sensual) sex when you wear them?

Keep a variety of sexy outfits for the bedroom. While lingerie can quickly get very expensive, you can start with something simple that still arouses him. Buy an inexpensive pair of short shorts and a tight tanktop. You might find that this is his favorite outfit for you to wear. Or maybe a sports bra and leggings. Wear low cut dresses or pair a long top with no pants. All those outfits that women wear to clubs and bars? Well, you get to wear them at home for your husband!

Lingerie is sexy and you’ll definitely want to buy some. Like I said though, it can get expensive and it’s not the only way to dress sexy. Over time, you can gradually build a collection. If you can, try to buy one outfit a year, maybe for Eid.

Fantasy role play goes hand in hand with dressing up. A plaid skirt and button down shirt with a tie to play a schoolgirl or a nurses outfit or a secretary’s outfit. Your imagination is the key.

Finally, there are specific exotic outfits you can purchase. It may be too extreme for more vanilla couples but if you or your husband find dressing up to be arousing, it’s something to consider. Whether it’s a latex catsuit, corsets, body harness, body stockings, etc, there’s plenty of very exotic sexy clothing you can bring into the bedroom.

There’s a unique sexual tension to dry humping. The friction of your clothes against your labia and clitoris is extremely stimulating. It’s also something that you can do with your husband when you’re on your period.

You can initiate this very easily. When just kissing, just start rubbing up against your husband and let it go from there. Alternatively, you can take him completely by surprise and press your body into his when he’s doing something mundane like watching TV on the couch.

One of the best body parts to dry hump while he’s sitting is his knee. Straddle his thigh and rub your crotch into his kneecap. Other good body parts to grind against are his butt and the heel of his hand.

If you’re in bed, the cowgirl position is best. Straddle him and grind against him until you’re panting.

Touch, touch, touch! It doesn’t matter if you have clothes you, the feeling of a hand on your body is arousing. Be handsy with him and have him be handsy with you.

If you’re venturing into BDSM, dry humping works very well with bondage and you being dominant. Tie him up so he can’t move and then slowly grind against him. The tease will drive him crazy.

Men love playing with boobs. Can you blame them? Sometimes women forget how awesome boobs are because they’re always with us 24/7. If you don’t believe how awesome they are, surprise your husband one day by greeting him topless one day. You’ll see where his eyes are trained.

Playing with boobs is great by itself. If you want to kick it up a notch though, there’s boob sex. This is great for when you’re on your period and still want to have sex. It’s also great for when you’re not on your period. It’s just great.

Start with regular foreplay. This is a time when you want lots and lots of lube so have it ready. The wetter, the better. If you know you’re not going to be using condoms, coconut oil makes an excellent lube for this. In addition to the actual lubrication, shiny boobs will arouse your husband even more.

Once you two have gotten into the foreplay, rub his penis over your breasts. Then, cup your hands on either side of your breasts and push it inwards, trapping his penis in between. Interlace your fingers to trap them together. You’ve made the equivalent of a vagina for him to thrust in.

Don’t worry if his penis slips out. This happens all the time. You’ll find it happening less and less frequently as you practice but it never completely stops.

There are a number of positions you can use. There are three main ones. Him on top, you on top, and you on your knees. For him on top, lay down on your back with your husband straddling you over your abdomen. If he’s long enough, you might be able to flick your tongue out to lick him on the upstrokes. For you on top, have him lay on his back and you lay on your front between his legs. Last position is with him sitting down on the bed with you on your knees between his legs. Depending on the size of your breasts, some (or all) of these positions might not be possible. If so, don’t worry, there are other ways to have fun!

Pearl Necklace

This is when your husband ejaculates on or around your neck. Yes it’s messy but for some women, there’s an enjoyment in being sexually marked (and for men, enjoyment in sexually marking you). Be sure to close your eyes. If he ejaculates hard, that pearl necklace can turn into a facial and it can sting if his cum enters into your eye

This is kind of a “oh duh” thing once you think about it. This is mostly for when you’re on your period and are still feeling frisky. You press your thighs together and your husband puts his penis between your thighs. I’d highly recommend lube if you don’t want your husband’s penis to get sore.

“Quickie sex” refers to sex that lasts a very short amount of time. Think less than 5 minutes from beginning to end. You both might actually not even completely take off your clothes during it!

This is not a romantic type of sex session. This is more of an expression of lust and unbridled sexual tension. Both types of sex are necessary for a healthy relationship.

As Muslims, the greatest obstacle to a quickie is the fact that you have to know that you can take a ghusl before the next prayer time ends. This makes it a lot harder to have an afternoon quickie in your husband’s office behind closed doors. There are still times you can make it work, however. For example, in the morning! After Fajr and before he leaves for work is a great time. If he’s asleep and ahs morning wood, wake him up with a blowjob.

When he’s awake, climb up and ride him.

It’s Sunnah so you have to at least try it.

If you wear makeup, remove it before getting in the shower. You don’t want mascara streaming down your face while trying to look seductive!

The best part about shower sex isn’t the actual sex, it’s the intimacy and foreplay. The water isn’t just a backdrop! Have your husband wash you and vice versa. Lather up and clean every inch of his body. Alternate between using your palms and using a loofah. Feel every nook and cranny of his body. Alternate who’s under the water! This is intimate in and of itself. Sometimes, all you want after a hard day is showering together, no actual sex in the shower. Make sure to use a silicone or hybrid lube because the water is going to rinse away all the natural lubrication.

If you do have sex, before you let him enter you, make sure you rinse all the soap off of both of you. You don’t want the soap coming into your vagina and causing an infection!

Shower sex is fun but it can be dangerous. This isn’t the time to try contorted positions. You want to be firmly grounded when you actually have sex. You can be pushed against the wall (or pushing him against the wall), bent over and holding on to something, or sit on the floor. If you two really enjoy in, consider investing in a suction cup handle to give help support yourself in the shower.

Because the shower really cleans everything up, this is a great time to give or receive oral sex.

Before I begin saying anything, let me give you a disclaimer: rough sex is not for everyone. You may not be into it or your husband may not be into it. There’s nothing wrong if you don’t like it. There’s plenty of other ways to enjoy a healthy sex life without rough sex.

Rough sex shouldn’t be the only type of sex you have. There are certainly days when you want to be ravaged and treated like a piece of meat by your husband. But that should be balanced with gentle, romantic lovemaking. Even if you really enjoy rough sex, intersperse it with more sensual sessions as well.

What if you want to be dominant?
Take the lead. Grab him by the hand and lead him to your bed. Or, push him onto the bed and start unbuttoning his shirt. Even the most rough and masculine guys will be turned on by their wife taking the lead. Try and be assertive. Be the one who turns foreplay into sex. Push him onto his back, straddle him, and take control. If you’ve never done it before, you’ll be astonished by how much it turns him on.

Things you can do to rough sex up:
Grab his hair. To pull hair correctly, push your nails up the back of your husband’s neck and into his scalp. Grab his hair from his roots. This is very important and makes a distinction between pleasure and too much pain. Grab the roots, not anywhere else. Your nails should be grazing into his scalp while you do this.

Scratching and biting. Digging your nails into your partner’s back and
holding them tightly lets them know how turned on you are. Don’t worry, your husband can take the pain.

Being immobilized is also a great feeling. Have your husband pin your arms down and not let be able to move as he has sex with you. Turn it the other way at times and attempt to immobilize him as you have sex with him. This might require some suspension of disbelief since he probably is able to move even if you pin him down. But the fantasy is part of the fun!

Make sure to have lube handy so that you don’t have any vaginal bleeding due to microtears from him thrusting too hard.

Maybe you want your husband to be rougher and he’s not getting the hint. Communication is key here. Tell him what you like, “I get so wet when you grab my hair in bed.” Or “I orgasm so hard when you throw me down and take control”

Rough sex goes together with dirty talk. Some women really find it arousing to have a specific term they use to refer to their husband when having rough sex. Some go with “Sir” others with “daddy” or others with something they’ve come up with. Find something that turns you on and use it. Some women find it arousing to be objectified by name when having rough sex. For example, being called a whore or a slut or a bitch. Finding that you’re aroused by these when having sex does not mean that you have some hidden inferiority complex or you’re less of a feminist. Being called names like this when enacting a fantasy with your husband who loves and respects you does not mean you think these words are appropriate to be used by men towards other women.

“Rape” fantasies are extremely common for women. You’re not weird for wanting it. It has nothing to do with an actual desire to be raped or a sign of mental illness. There’s a push to relabel “rape” fantasies as “forced sex” fantasies because that’s what they really are. It has nothing to do with wanting to go through the trauma of rape. Instead, it’s a fantasy of being ravished and taken forcefully. There’s something arousing about that.

With that said, this is not for everyone. For men or women. Some women want nothing to do with forced sex fantasies. Some men want nothing to do with forced sex fantasies. This is one place where I make an exception to the rule that we should accommodate our spouses’s fantasies and predilections. If either of you is disturbed by this, don’t even try to attempt it.

Communication is so important if you go ahead with this. You must establish a safe word that both of you can use. You also have to establish what the boundaries are of what can be done in terms of physical aggression. You have to agree beforehand if you’ll be using any instruments like handcuffs or gags.

See the next section on BDSM for some more help in terms of forced sex fantasies.

BDSM stands for
Bondage/Discipline/Dominance/Submission/Sadomasochism. The acronym isn’t really important. 50 Shades of Grey has brought it into the mainstream but many healthy couples were partaking of it before the book gained notoriety. By the way, 50 Shades of Grey is to BDSM what pornography is to sex. If your knowledge of BDSM comes from 50 Shades of Grey, it’s wrong.

That book is a great explanation on how NOT to do BDSM.

Before we talk about BDSM, some basic terminology.

Top is the one who gives sensation

Bottom is the one who receives sensation

Dominant refers to the person who has the power (or takes it).

Submissive refers to the one who doesn’t have the power or who gives it up.

Switch is one who switches between roles.

Sadist is one who enjoys giving pain

Masochist is one who enjoys receiving pain.

These are just terms. In real life, you don’t pick one and play that role. You’ll probably mix and match. Usually, the husband will take the dominant role and the wife the submissive role but switch it up.

Be careful when navigating BDSM. Some of this can be straight up haram (drinking urine??? Cutting the other person???).

BDSM should only be done if you absolutely trust your husband. This is not something to try out the first time you have sex. It is not something to try with a husband who is physically or emotionally abusive. You need to be 100% comfortable with your husband before venturing into BDSM territory.

Safe words are big in BDSM. This should be something other than “stop” or “no” because those words might be part of your roleplay where you’re just pretending to struggle against him. A good safe word to use is red/yellow/green. Think about it like traffic lights. Red means you need to stop. Yellow means you don’t need to stop but he should slow down. Green is to assure him to keep going. If you’re gagged, you should have some alternative to a stop word. This could be holding something in your hand that you drop to indicate you want to stop.

Start slow when you begin exploring BDSM. Very slow. Begin by just trying one thing and just that one. Then add in another. Don’t try too much at once. For example, let’s say you want to try getting blindfolded and getting whipped. Don’t try both together at first. Pick one. Let him spank you with a whip one time. Then, the next time, add in the blindfold. It might not seem like much but BDSM can quickly get overwhelming so take things slowly.

Bondage

In short, bondage is limiting someone’s movement with restraints. You can do this with almost anything. Rope, leather cuffs, chain, bondage tape, even your hijab. Always have EMT shears around if you’re doing bondage.

Bondage is when you tie each other up. Lightweight cuffs are the best for beginners. Fuzzy looking handcuffs look comfortable but leather or neoprene are actually more comfortable. Blindfolds also fall under bondage as well as gags. Silicone ball gags are the best ones to start out with. These are smaller and often labeled as “beginners”.

If you’ve never been tied up, try it. It’s a paradoxically liberating form of sex. You totally give up control and allow your husband to pleasure you.

Make sure that restraints aren’t too tight. You should also avoid using things which can tighten if you struggle. Some people use scarves and ties but this can potentially tighten and cut off circulation. The safest option is to use actual restraints created for sex.

Discipline

Discipline refers to both physical and mental discipline. Among these are spanking (either with a hand or a paddle), flogging, denying the other personaccess to their own body or yours, and playful biting.

Spanking.

Spanking is probably the most common BDSM fantasy that women have. Spanking usually goes hand in hand with talking dirty. Ask your husband if you’ve been a naughty little girl. Whatever his response, say that you need to be punished and that you deserve a hard spanking. When you’re getting spanked (or doing the spanking), aim for fleshy areas. The butt and the backs of your thighs are good ones. Be careful of hitting the back because you can damage kidneys there.

There are a number of positions you can take for spanking. You can have your husband bend you over his knee. You can lay spread out on your stomach. Or you can get down on all fours. He can also incorporate spanking into having sex with you doggy style. To really get comfortable, put a pillow under your stomach. He should be aiming for the fleshiest part of your butt, the area where the cheek meets the thigh. If he wears a wedding band, make sure it’s off his fingers when he spanks you! After a few spanks, he should caress and massage the area he just hit.

Spanking can actually be quite varied. He can spank you with an open palm or by cupping his hand. He can use a paddle (probably not when you first begin), a whip or riding crop, a flogger, or a cane. If you want to really mix it up, consider wearing Ben Wa balls during the spanking session.

Just like with any BDSM activity, have a safe word. Again, don’t use
something like “stop” or “ouch” because those are words you might want to mix in for effect. The red/yellow/green technique for safe words works great here.

After finishing a spanking session, apply some cream or balm to sooth your sore butt! If it’s too sore, consider asking your husband to tone down the strength or length of it next time. Of course, if you don’t enjoy it at all, you don’t have to try it more than once.

Spanking doesn’t always have to have you on the receiving end. If you want to experiment with being dominant, switch it up and you do the spanking. Some men (and women) feel uncomfortable with that. If you don’t like the idea of your husband taking the submissive role in bed occasionally, then that’s fine. However, many women find that they enjoy switching it up and being dominant in bed. It’s definitely something to try, especially if you’re the more submissive type in real life. A lot of people find that their personality in bed is the exact opposite of their personality in real life.

Public sex is a common fantasy. Unfortunately, this is going to be next to impossible to do. The one time you can do it is if you can rent a private property. If you can rent a farm in a rural location that has wide acreage or a private island, you might have a chance. If you can snag one of these, having sex under the open air is breathtaking and an unforgettable experience.