Before I begin saying anything, let me give you a disclaimer: rough sex is not for everyone. You may not be into it or your husband may not be into it. There’s nothing wrong if you don’t like it. There’s plenty of other ways to enjoy a healthy sex life without rough sex.
Rough sex shouldn’t be the only type of sex you have. There are certainly days when you want to be ravaged and treated like a piece of meat by your husband. But that should be balanced with gentle, romantic lovemaking. Even if you really enjoy rough sex, intersperse it with more sensual sessions as well.
What if you want to be dominant?
Take the lead. Grab him by the hand and lead him to your bed. Or, push him onto the bed and start unbuttoning his shirt. Even the most rough and masculine guys will be turned on by their wife taking the lead. Try and be assertive. Be the one who turns foreplay into sex. Push him onto his back, straddle him, and take control. If you’ve never done it before, you’ll be astonished by how much it turns him on.
Things you can do to rough sex up:
Grab his hair. To pull hair correctly, push your nails up the back of your husband’s neck and into his scalp. Grab his hair from his roots. This is very important and makes a distinction between pleasure and too much pain. Grab the roots, not anywhere else. Your nails should be grazing into his scalp while you do this.
Scratching and biting. Digging your nails into your partner’s back and
holding them tightly lets them know how turned on you are. Don’t worry, your husband can take the pain.
Being immobilized is also a great feeling. Have your husband pin your arms down and not let be able to move as he has sex with you. Turn it the other way at times and attempt to immobilize him as you have sex with him. This might require some suspension of disbelief since he probably is able to move even if you pin him down. But the fantasy is part of the fun!
Make sure to have lube handy so that you don’t have any vaginal bleeding due to microtears from him thrusting too hard.
Maybe you want your husband to be rougher and he’s not getting the hint. Communication is key here. Tell him what you like, “I get so wet when you grab my hair in bed.” Or “I orgasm so hard when you throw me down and take control”
Rough sex goes together with dirty talk. Some women really find it arousing to have a specific term they use to refer to their husband when having rough sex. Some go with “Sir” others with “daddy” or others with something they’ve come up with. Find something that turns you on and use it. Some women find it arousing to be objectified by name when having rough sex. For example, being called a whore or a slut or a bitch. Finding that you’re aroused by these when having sex does not mean that you have some hidden inferiority complex or you’re less of a feminist. Being called names like this when enacting a fantasy with your husband who loves and respects you does not mean you think these words are appropriate to be used by men towards other women.